Well, this is new

Full blown panic. Trembling. No rational thought. Frozen. Trapped inside my home. In the safety of my room. Have Buddy between me and the front door. So alone! Please leave peacefully. Don't you see I'm scared? Please leave. Please don't make me call the cops. I called the cops. Trembling voice. He had to know how scared I was on the phone. No big deal. We will drive by. No one. They are still there. Why can't they have a conversation somewhere else? No rational thought. Oh god! I called the cops. The cop got out and said something to them. Couldn't hear. Down the hall looking at my front door window. Cop leaves. Car 1. Dare to look? No. Stay back. They have to know by now that I was the one who called. Probably know my neighbors. Pissed them off too. How long before they come back? Car 1 drove by again. And Car 2 soon after. Please go away. Please don't come back here. Please don't hurt my kids. Please don't steal from me. Please stay away. What if they come back later? After we shut out the lights? Terrified. Still trembling. Getting calmer. Typing helping. This is stupid. No reason to be this way. Something is wrong with me. Something is so very wrong with me. I am going crazy. That's it. I see a padded room in my future. Maybe sooner than I think. This is so stupid. So stupid. So stupid. Why? Why am I still scared an hour later? I hear my neighbor yelling at my kids. She knows I called. She has to. Why is she yelling at my kids? They didn't call. I did. I called the cops. They know what I look like because we spoke. They know where I live. They will be back. I know they will. They will keep coming back over and over and over when I'm not here. Just make themselves at home in my front yard. My back yard. Take over everything. Doesn't matter. Going to die anyway. Take my stuff. Take my life. Leave my kids and my dog alone. They will need each other. Feel myself dying already. So much regret. I didn't save their lives because I should have never lived. I should have died. Why do I keep thinking about that? None of this makes sense. This is stupid. I'm done. Back to regular breathing. Chest hurts tho. Not shaking. I guess that was it. Then why am I afraid to drive to the store? To leave my home? I'm still afraid. God! This is so fucking ridiculous! Okay, now I'm really done.